Every year in some home around some holiday in the world, a great loss is felt. It is not known why bereavement happens so often around the holidays, but it does. Most people realize they have to pick up and keep on going to get through the day, and face the pain at night until life is bearable once again. Others require the help of a therapist to get through loss. It doesn’t mean one is weaker than the other, it just means that one person deals with grief in a different way. During the holidays, around special days, or the type of trauma that causes that loss can all lengthen or determine the type of grief process a person goes through.
Some people will tell you grief is the same for everyone. Most Scientists love models, and will try to apply one to every situation. Elizabeth Kübler-Ross argued that bereaved people typically pass through five unique stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. For years this was the most followed cycle for change involves loss, and loss involves grief. Elizabeth Kübler-Ross later changed her five stages of grief; to five stages of death and dying since her work primarily was with terminally ill patients. Other physicians began to question her methods, especially acceptance, insinuating a “happy” death or “life after death.” http://www.intropsych.com/ch10_development/kubler-ross.html
Over the last few days, the Nation has been struggling with the reasoning behind the loss of teachers and children in a small Connecticut town. Was it the mother of the armed shooter, also killed and a teacher at the school, who owned the guns, took him to the firing range to make him proficient, or just not noticing the changes in the boy’s mental state? Was it the fault of the school for not having an armed guard at all times? Was it the President’s fault? Does the President need to address gun control? Does there need to be added safety to schools? As of today, there is no way to change what happened? Tomorrow? The next day? This will all be determined in time. Right now it is time to grieve. It is time to get through the holidays.
There may be a time when politics may need to be addressed. As for today, it is not the Bill of Rights we must all consider. It is the Bill of Rights of Grief we must relate to those that mourn.
1. You have the right to feel your own grief.
2.You have the right to talk or not talk about your grief
3. You have the right to feel a plethora of emotions.
4. You have the right to your own definition of grief. You can feel physically and emotionally where you are at the time.
5. You have the right have sources of outbursts of grief.
6. You have the right to use rituals to help you mourn.
7. You have the right to fill your life with activities and people who believe as you do so you don’t have to feel a thing.
8. You have the right to feel what you can feel when you can feel it.
9. You have the right not to “move on.” You have the right to “move on.”
10. You have the right to go into a “blind rage.” Don’t accept clichés like was God’s will, search for true meaning.”
Published May 17, 2013,
Ruston Daily Leader, The Park Bench.